Giving feedback to others might feel like the most unglamorous of tasks. It’s also easy as a manager or leader to fall prey to the avoidance trap when it comes to being the messenger. Feedback seems like a virtue, and comes across like a judgement.

No one likes to deliver what could be perceived as bad news. It’s natural human behavior to minimize being perceived as the “bearer of bad news.” We want to be liked. Feedback really doesn’t have to be seen as negative…it could be validating or strength based.

A “strength based” definition of feedback:

• It is “necessary”
• It has a specific purpose
• It is “kind”

I would offer another definition: “It communicates empathy and concern and explores different sides to the story”

The Problem:

One of the reasons feedback can go wrong in employee meetings is that feedback is delivered in a way that makes the one receiving it feel invalidated or misunderstood. What is intended to help, leads to judgement. Managers end up feeling like they are walking a minefield.

3 Steps to delivering helpful, necessary and kind feedback:

1.) Tie the feedback to positive performance objectives. Make sure you are pointing out what you like and what you would like to see change in terms of specific behavior. Use an “I Statement”, rather than a “You Statement”. Avoid judgements.

2.) Ask the Employee whether they perceive your concern in the same way. Explore whether they perceive it the same or different way. There’s value in exploring what feedback means to the giver and receiver. Tell them you value their ideas.

3.) Ask for a potential solution from the person who is receiving the feedback. Rather than imposing solutions, ask for a solution. Have the employee give you advice on steps, and build a collective agreement.

Thoughts and reflections:

What ways have you noticed feedback has worked, and not worked in the workplace?

How can you turn feedback into a collaboration rather than a negative experience?