Learning to Decipher the Big Things from the Little Things (in life)

| Brian E. Dick, MA, MBA, LPC

In the course of the day the average person is bombarded with several dilemmas big and small. The problem of stress is an ever present danger when we fail to properly separate the “Big vs. Small Things” in our lives.

For some, learning to decipher what is insignificant and what is really important requires real skill. The same goes for leading teams, organizations, families, and our personal responsibilities. If we have a frail sense of who we are it is often difficult to decide what we should keep, and what we should let go.

In the end, we have to learn to accept ourselves so that we can put in proper perspective what we should be concerned with, and what small annoyances in life we just need to let slide by.

Unhealthy stress (most stress is unhealthy!) is often a product of paying attention to things that are incongruent with who we are – almost to the point that effectiveness suffers so greatly.

Deciphering what the (important) things are in our lives, requires the following questions:
1. How much, and to what extent does it contribute to our lives, the common good, our families or our reputations?

2. Is IT something that belongs to someone else?

3. Did we create the issue, or are we just the person in the middle?

4. What purpose does the problem have?

Hopefully the answers you receive, provide the right guidance to your heart. Learning to separate the big things from the really insignificant can be a great skill, and one that will help you fulfill your tasks wisely. It is also a great way to inoculate yourself from the daily stressors that almost everyone faces on a daily basis.

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Keeping It Real

| Brian E. Dick, MA, MBA, LPC

There is a pervasive problem in our society: A reluctance to keep it real. Denial, minimizing, fudging, or simply being engaged in presentation over substance are common methods to influence.

Those that engage in moving away from being real often do so for the following reasons:

1. A loss of personal control. Credibility is important, but those that shade reality about themselves often feel that something is slipping away from them.

2. Self-denial. It’s simply too painful to admit a mistake. The ego and sense of self are too sensitive.

3. Not knowing what you don’t know. Ignorance is a self protective and welcome state. Think about how many of us deny or block off the “knowing” associated with right eating, and lifestyle choices.

4. Our negative obsessions actually have control of us. In a sense there is a part of us “that does know” we are off the mark. The gravity pull of turning that situation around is perceived as too hard.

The main problem for living in fantasy, is that it often requires more energy to maintain the presentation, than to actually change it. Ultimately our facades will be seen through, and we will be at a crossroads. Achieving realness means a willingness to be real. Stop covering. Stop creating images that are not real. Begin the process of exploring who you really are.

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Perseverance Is Just A Step Away

| Brian E. Dick, MA, MBA, LPC

In my counseling practice, a daily task is the process of change. Individuals seek out professional counseling and therapy because they perceive that the problems they face are insurmountable. Making change requires perseverance, and this is often difficult to see when change is so often difficult to see.

Another difficult barrier for many is understanding the change has to be made by them, and not someone doing something to them. It also requires a commitment to do something.

Perseverance requires one to look at the problem one step at a time. Change is not an instant process. It requires taking the first step, then another, and another. Just taking that step “ahead” is often enough to motivate and encourage further movement for change.

The concept is simple: We manage adversity by implementing small changes over time, on a consistent basis. There are no shortcuts.

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Functional Unawareness in Organizations

| Brian E. Dick, MA, MBA, LPC

An ever present problem in organizations is developing a lack of awareness. The idea of “functional unawareness” relates to the idea that units and individuals can function in a firm without knowing a problem exists.

What are the reasons for this?

>;;Work units and individuals don’t understand or have clarity about what they are doing.

>;;Staff are led poorly, or the environment is just too toxic for true awareness

>;;A lack of mentoring or coaching is neither available or provided.

>;;There is a culture of “Flying by the seat of your pants” in the organization that blocks off any serious inquiry organizationally or personally.

>;;The negative value system and lack of decorum and discipline dulls any sense of what is really going on.

Developing more awareness requires both an organizational willingness to inquire and get feedback, as well as individuals receiving good coaching. If practiced regularly, there is less possibility that our senses will dull, and the organization will suffer.

Seek Clarity

| Brian E. Dick, MA, MBA, LPC

Today’s world is saturated with information, knowledge and multiple demands. It is certainly popular to be the one that can engage multiple priorities. The reality is many of us live in a world of overload. It’s not necessarily a nice place.

How do you seek clarity amongst the interference? The following are definitive ways to gain clarity in your “world of overload”:

1. Know yourself. Have a clear idea of what you are good at, and what contribution you want to make.

2. If you are not sure about who you are, do deep thinking about your vision for yourself, and what good things you stand for. Use this as the template for which everything else is decided.

3. Avoid being a demanding, “help-rejecting-complainer.”. Take your lumps, move forward. Prepare to drop some balls out of the air. Be with other people, and let yourself be influenced.

4. Connect with those that inspire you. Let that guide your daily reflections.

5. Just be. Life is not perfect, and neither are you.

6. Find the right place to reflect. Exercise, nature walks, reading good literature, or reading your favorite blogs…stay productive, build a reservoir of clarity.

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Failing To Mentor – There Are No Excuses

| Brian E. Dick, MA, MBA, LPC

Organizations that fail to mentor their low to mid-management risk creating a culture of mediocrity. As a new manager (or one that has transferred into that role) there is nothing more fortunate to have a competent mentor or senior manager, that can ensure the right things are done and that your role is practiced properly. The second most fortunate thing is having an organization that cares about its people enough to put experienced managers to mentor new staff and young managers.

There are organizations with the best intentions that simply do not adequately prepare those in leadership roles. Reasons for this are the following:

-No clear vision about the organization

-Placing the wrong people in leadership positions. “Peter Principle” – or those that are in over their head.

-Cronyism, protectionism, corruption

-Multiple or confusing management structures that engage in infighting and do not work together

-Dysfunctional values, or favoritism in the organization where there is no cohesion in the workforce.

-Inadequate supervision of line staff

Over time the effects of poor mentoring will affect the health and fabric of an organization. As a manager or leader, what are you doing to build the people that work for you?

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Expectations = Understanding

| Brian E. Dick, MA, MBA, LPC

One of the biggest problems in human interaction is improperly communicated expectations. As a manager, leader, parent or friend, you’ll likely be confronted with situations where clear communication is required.

Breakdowns in communication is often equal to unclear communication. Here are the key sources of failed expectations:

1. Information communicated does not always equal information understood

2. Your perceptions about what is being said is based on your own home movies, and not the meaning of the other person.

3. Personal distraction, disruptions, interruptions.

4. The receiver of the “expectation” is self-absorbed, or simply has a different agenda.

5. The person receiving is not receiving, just listening to respond.

Any of these situations will lead to potentially failed expectations – in other words:

Expectation success – must meet (or =) Expectation understanding.

In our management teams, groups, family units, or organizations, how many of us actually try to ensure we have “Expectation Understanding?”

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Don’t Stand In Your Organization’s Way

| Brian E. Dick, MA, MBA, LPC

In many environments and roles, leadership or otherwise, maintaining healthy boundaries with others is an important method to manage others. Setting good boundaries, protects an organization’s resources, maintains priorities and organizational direction, and prevents the wrong decisions from being made.

There is a fine line between keeping good boundaries and becoming a barrier to others, their growth, or development toward a goal. The ways boundaries can hurt are the following:

1. Stifles thinking, and problem solving

2. Enables the wrong behaviors in an organization

3. Keeps people from stepping up to meet challenges

4. Becomes an “unspoken” no – that prevents progress

5. Keeps others from solving their own problems – maintains dependency

6. Restricts opportunity for customers and our response

Boundaries can be a barrier where it artificially creates control, where it is not needed. This is for the benefit of the leader who needs control, or there are insecurities in the organization. It can stifle creative thinking, and emotionally create obstacles for workers or even worse yet, dependence on the leader. Examples of “boundaries” that may be unproductive in an organization:

– Complex rules, routines, procedures
– Rigid hierarchy and reporting structures
– Not fostering self-sufficiency or independent ideas in the workplace
– preventing access to services by prospective customers
– disrespectful interpersonal interactions

Rules and boundaries are needed to be sure, but when it starts to stifle progress toward the vision and goal, the above problems points should be considered. So much of what we believe is good for organizations, may be getting in the way and preventing the organization from going to a new level.

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Problem Solving

| Brian E. Dick, MA, MBA, LPC

Problems are a part of life. If we did not have some kind of barrier, human beings would not learn to innovate, grow, and persevere beyond them. It is when problems become overwhelming, complex, and misunderstood, that creates stress and personal difficulties. Frequently the major problems in life are perceived as issues beyond our control. The key word here is perceived.

More times than not, the way we look at problems is the crucial element as to whether we persevere and manage the problem, or fall further into a problem which is most complex. Obviously, this simplifies the matter, and problems often cannot be explained in simple terms. The purpose of this discussion is how to mobilize your energies to address, and hopefully eventually solve problems. Below is a set of criteria that describes different kinds of problems.

1. The problem involves interactions with others and expectations.
2. The problem is perceived to be a certain way.
3. The problem has been created by a violation of responsibility, trust, or unfaithful behavior.
4. The problem is a natural consequence to societal expectations and generally recognized responsibility.
5. The problem is the result of something or someone changing.

Generally financial, personal and social problems include these elements. How do we tackle the situation when it arises? Below is a list of important steps that can be applied:

>Examine the root causes of the problem. Using the assumption that everything is a natural system, there is usually cause and effect in action somewhere.

>Evaluate your assumptions (beliefs) about the situation. Remember, the way you may be looking at the problem may be incorrect at first. Be able to test your assumptions to either validate or discard them. Keep the ones that can be backed up. Now you have a baseline for approaching the problem in a targeted way.

>Don’t guilt trip yourself, but truly examine the problem using the five elements noted above. Some of it you may own, other parts may be totally outside of your control.

>Now determine action steps that you can take to begin to intervene and resolve the problem. The intervention may require additional assistance from others, or simply some tangible changes from you. Remember, problems happen usually as part of cause and effect. Find the sequences in the system that can be modified.

>Conscious effort is required. Determine if the action plan requires you to eliminate an undesirable behavior, change a habit, or let go of something that is holding you back. All change should be socially respectful, lawful, and moral.

Apply this methodology the next time you have a complex problem. Evaluate the results. The approach is helpful on both an individual and organizational level.

20120209-144003.jpg (photo by: Doug Butchy @dougbutchy)